The Skinny Curse

Wow! It's been awhile since I've last posted. It would be an understatement to say that life has been crazy at the HipMix.net office, what with Dilara being in a national magazine, our new shopping experience, as well as several to-be-mentioned-later initiatives (that I'm super excited about!!).

I recently received a comment (or ok, let's be real, saw that someone had commented on one of the random times I check my blog to see if I've become super popular) and it was someone who felt a little offended about my rant on skinny women being models and how they generally freak me out.

I'm kidding, of course. Skinny people don't really freak me out.

I guess when I view a skinny person, I transpose my personal experiences with weight loss on them. We tend to view the world through a lens created by our own history, and therefore see things with a bias. I've struggled with body image my whole life, and thus have to find fuller figured women to look up to in order to combat my own personal issues with weight.

In the search to provide people with "healthy" role models, we often overlook those women who struggle with their weight in a different way - struggle to GAIN as opposed to lose.

It's an interesting idea, and hopefully one Dilara will tackle for me soon (PLEASE?).

In any case, she closed with a remark that's stuck with me since I read it: that belly dancers are not supportive of skinny dancers. Wowzers - anyone see that trend?

I Can Only Look in the Mirror After a Beer

Ever since my belly dance class, I've been trying to practice my moves in front of a mirror. As anyone knows, practice makes perfect, and I am a perfectionist.

However, the longer I stand in front of a mirror, dancing, the sillier I feel. Is this vanity? Do my hips really look like that?

I don't know what my problem is.

I'm not afraid of my reflection. Sometimes, him and I are friends. Sometimes we aren't. But I have to stare at myself in a mirror to fix my hair, put on makeup; all of which are judging activities (we have to make sure our eyeliner doesn't look crooked, and our hair isn't falling down in the back).

So why does dancing in front a mirror freak me out?

Last night, after my usual Wings Tuesday, I'd had a beer or two, and while brushing my teeth, decided to try out some shimmies. Then I worked on my snake arms and had a huge breakthrough. Now I can move my arms so they look somewhat snake-like. And I didn't feel embarrassed at all!

Today it's been a little easier testing my dance moves, but I can feel the insecurity creeping back in.

I thought I'd made such big inroads to increasing my self-esteem. I'm beginning to wonder if I've fixed my body image issues at all, or if I'm just avoiding my reflection.